Have Gun, Will Travel
by karrot bear
Summary: Switzerland is off to the Winter Olympics whether he likes it or not. It's not like he hates traveling he just...hates traveling. Oh dear. Sample chapter.


To any Swiss reading this, I apologize. I'm sorry to say Vash is too easy to make fun of. To any other nationality that I may insult, I'm sorry but I do not intentionally mean it. I swear. Notes will be at the bottom.

oh * means note, (?) means questionable point of view and _italics_ mean emphasis, overcom or thought. Don't worry it'll be obvious.

* * *

On February 8 2010*, Switzerland invaded Canada. More specifically Vancouver, British Columbia.

It was an air attack, consisting of 145 soldiers, all in red and white uniforms and was led by Switzerland's own Raging Cow* Vash. It was said Lichtenstein also made a show despite the fact it didn't have an army. The Canada military was given prior warning but they chose to ignore it, Switzerland was a neutral country and as such would not start a war.

Wrong. Or at least in the mind of Vash Zwingli.

Vash may be neutral, but that wasn't the only word to describe him. Xenophobic, paranoid and trigger-happy can easily be substituted. So when our disgruntled little Swiss marched out of the plane behind his Winter Olympic team, fully clothed in military regalia and a rifle several security officials paled.

Who had let this nut into the country?

---Let's backtrack, shall we?---

Vash had never really left his country.

Actually that was a lie, he had traveled outside his Alpine refuge many times. However something or _someone_ had always managed to screw things up and have the memories from that trip blocked out. Like the 2002 Winter Olympics. He was sure something good* had happened but the whole waking up somewhere that was not his hotel room without his pants had forced yet another joyous celebration from his memory. It was experiences like that which made his home look oh-so welcoming and everyone else's oh-so frightening. With that little phrase in mind, he was standing at the airport waving good luck to his people as they boarded a jet that would take them, hopefully, to glory.

Lichtenstein was having none of it.

Vash may be her older brother and he may help her out nine times out of ten but this was ridiculous. Her brother needed fresh air and a chance to socialize with others, and when she meant socializing she meant human beings, not goats. Matthew was graciously opening his doors to anyone that wished to join in peaceful competition and Vash not wanting to visit because of 'cost issues' was just insulting. Of course there was an argument, but a few calls to Matthew had gotten Vash free boarding for the duration of the games and Vash couldn't just refuse something for free, even if being polite was against his own basic principles.

---

Vash stared out his window, pretending not to notice his beloved Alps slowly becoming smaller. He could still parachute down, he could probably make it, he just needed to find a local town or village, hell even a backwoods cabin. The random cheers and shouts in the background was not helping his paranoid snit. Yes, the air was filled with happy-go-lucky spirit that one couldn't help but absorb with sunshine and smiles. Vash had early on in life decided to be an anti-sponge, no soaking up rainbows today.

He glanced over to his sister, feeling a tad guilty about his earlier escape plan. Lichtenstein was calmly sewing a shirt next to him, though she looked up to her brother when she noticed an unsettling aura coming from her left. A sweet smile graced her lips as Vash finally gave in and screened the window. In his mind, he wasn't truly leaving, he was just going to a different looking Switzerland.

Oh hell, who is he kidding? He was getting ready shoot the pilot and hijack the plane. (ahem, the author does not encourage this behavior)

---

"Big brother?"

Lichtenstein poked her brother, who grunted in his sleep. She smiled at his serene(?) face. She really was glad he would be accompanying her. It wasn't like she didn't know Matthew or any of the other countries, and they always were so nice to her. Apparently she hadn't noticed the fact that anytime she met another country her gun toting older brother was there. But anyway that wasn't the point, her brother hadn't ventured out of country for at least two years, since the Beijing Olympics. Even then he snapped half way through and had to be flown back. This habit was really putting a damper on their 'family' time. Ever since she saw all those American movies involving road-trips and family vacations she wished to share those exact same experiences with her brother. To travel through a cactus strewn desert in a minivan or fish by majestic rivers in an RV, those were the memories she wanted to create.

Vash muttered something in his sleep about goats.

Lichtenstein went back to sewing, happy that at least she would be able to see a moose with her brother.

---

_"The pilot has turned on the seat belt sign. Please make your way back to your seat as soon as possible."_

_"__Le pilote est devenu le signe ceinture de sécurité. __S'il vous plaît faire votre chemin de retour à votre siège dès que possible_._"_

_"Der Pilot muss auf den Sicherheitsgurt Zeichen verwandelt. Bitte machen Sie Ihren Weg zurück an Ihren Platz so schnell wie möglich__."**_

The chirpy flight attendant's voice flicked from language to language as the jet started its descent into Toronto. It was practically impossible to book a straight trip from Zurich to Vancouver so the managers had decided on a connecting flight. Hopefully their bags would be transferred, the layover should only be two hours long and there was only mild snow showers, whatever the hell that meant. The teams and other passengers started to wake, gather bags and pop in a new piece of gum.

Vash was woken by his sister's squeal. He immediately grabbed his gun and aimed at whoever was attacking her. A large bang, expletive and voosh sound was made as the bullet traveled through the airplane's wall, creating an increasingly growing hole which lowered the cabin pressure causing the masks to plop down.

All because Lichtenstein missed a stitch.

Oops.

---

"Oh Matty~!"

Matthew looked up from the various paperwork strewn over his desk. His boss had calmly patted his shoulder that morning and passed over all the documents regarding his slightly disturbed visitors. He was now making sure that Alfred and Arthur were not on the same floor and that the San Rio store would be open when Yao* arrived. After hearing that snickering call his heart sank, what had gone wrong now?

Gilbert shoved open the door to Matthew's private office ignoring his roommate's 'umm' of objection. Clicking on the the small portable TV to the appropriate news channel Matthew understood why Gilbert seemed so...chipper.

"-aking news from the Toronto Pearson International Airport. A disgruntled Swiss has made a terrorist attempt on incoming flight 1234-XY. The suspect has been identified as Vash Zwingli, an eighteen year old Swiss Citizen traveling to the Winter Olympics in Vancouver. He shot from inside the plane using a military issued rifle that punctured the jet's inner wall. No one was hurt and the plane was able to land safely. While the crew and passengers seem to view this as an accident, the local police are still detaining him for the time being."

A grainy video was shown of Vash stepping out of the jet and then promptly whisked away by bright vested police, Lichtenstein following with a few carry-on bags.

"Oh dear God."

"God says Awesome."

---

Continue? Don't continue? I had wanted to put more in this chapter but this is only a sample. If there is positive feedback, I'll put up the longer version and will continue it.

I know that the Olympics started on Friday/Saturday but I didn't have time to write it then. Besides I wasn't inspired til Sunday but whatever.

Notes:

Feb. 8 2010- I honestly don't know when the teams arrive so I just picked a close enough date

raging cow- Vache means cow in French

2002 Olympics- Simon Amman won gold in both NH and LH ski jumping, first ever to do so

different languages- French and German, both spoken in Switzerland. I just stuck the English phrase into Google Translate so sorry if they're not accurate.

Yao- Wang Yao is China's name, not sure how to refer to him (Wang or Yao?)

Oh and whoever can tell me what book title I based this on gets a cookie. Toodles~


End file.
